As many of you know, I have finally found my birth mother and I haven't spoken to her in a month. I feel guilty because I haven't spoken to her....which I want to...but I can't bring myself to call her for fear of betraying my mom.....When is this hurt inside me going to stop? And sadly enough, this just the beginning...chemo is nearing and I feel frightened and scared and I feel as though I can't seem to figure out which emotion to wear...angry, sad, frustrated,alone,upset,disgusted....
Can life get any worse...yes it does...some people just don't get it. I am trying so hard to keep calm/keep it together but I'm wondering when it will be time for me to just scream at the top of my lungs. To see someone so close to you go through this is unexplainable...unless you have been through it. I was told by many that it only get harder from here....can she get through it? can I? can we? My head is going a millions miles tonight...Also wondering how some people can be so hurtful and selfish. Life is really unfair at times.
I've been to many sites trying to read up on many things AND I gotta tell you....I just feel so sick that sooo many women must go through this...(crying on the keys) it's simply unfair. i know that I need to keep thinking positive and some days/minutes/hours I am ...but other times I just feel so...........
Sorry this wasn't an uplifting welcome back post...
Will be back soon....
Kick and scream and find a punching bag if you need to Nat - let the anger out ... it's not good for you. Life continually throws us all these curve balls that we think we'll never be able to survive ... but we do! Just take it one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine the pain you must feel and I'm not downplaying for one second ... hang in there. She may just get threw this - so many women do. You need to stay focused and positive that things will be ok in the end.
Thinking of you!
Rachel (Quesnel) xx
P.S.: I don't think your Mom would feel betrayed if you talked to your biological mother ... reach out to people who are there for you. Being surrounded by those we love and love us is the way to get through difficult times. :)