Drops of Violet: Feelings of Frustrations...

Drops of Violet: Feelings of Frustrations...: Have you ever had one of those days that just seems to drag on and on....today is that day! I've been so angry lately...let's go back about ...

Feelings of Frustrations...

Have you ever had one of those days that just seems to drag on and on....today is that day! I've been so angry lately...let's go back about a month ago...I found out that my mom has breast cancer..I felt as though my life was over. How could my mom, the person I admire the most have CANCER...the women whom I knew to be the strongest person in my life, my rock, my best friend,one of the people I love most...I have gone through a few of the stages, feeling sad, feeling angry, feeling OK for now and now I am back at plain old ANGRY at CANCER, the world, life and stupid people around me. Life as I knew would be changed forever. Some days I can't focus on anything, other days go by and I couldn't tell you what I did...

As many of you know, I have finally found my birth mother and I haven't spoken to her in a month. I feel guilty because I haven't spoken to her....which I want to...but I can't bring myself to call her for fear of betraying my mom.....When is this hurt inside me going to stop? And sadly enough, this just the beginning...chemo is nearing and I feel frightened and scared and I feel as though I can't seem to figure out which emotion to wear...angry, sad, frustrated,alone,upset,disgusted....

Can life get any worse...yes it does...some people just don't get it. I am trying so hard to keep calm/keep it together but I'm wondering when it will be time for me to just scream at the top of my lungs. To see someone so close to you go through this is unexplainable...unless you have been through it. I was told by many that it only get harder from here....can she get through it? can I? can we? My head is going a millions miles tonight...Also wondering how some people can be so hurtful and selfish. Life is really unfair at times.

I've been to many sites trying to read up on many things AND I gotta tell you....I just feel so sick that sooo many women must go through this...(crying on the keys) it's simply unfair. i know that I need to keep thinking positive and some days/minutes/hours I am ...but other times I just feel so...........

Sorry this wasn't an uplifting welcome back post...

Will be back soon....