You will never be alone....

Another day...another reason why cancer SUCKS! This week I shaved my mothers hair..Never thought in a million years I'd do that.....She began to lose it a few days before and mentioned that it was uncomfortable. This one day she went outside and I'll never forget that day. The wind was blowing (it was almost like being apart of a movie scene) the wind blowing, mom running her fingers through her bristle hair and it blowing away.....it was so surreal. She decided that night to shave her head, NOT completely bald, like a buzz cut. She couldn't look anymore beautiful. I think I took it harder than she. Which if you know me, you know how I am. I wear my heart on my sleeves. 
Never had I expected to send out requests for free chemo hats. Once you get online and start to look at everything CANCER you realize just how many sites their are and how many people are involved in donating their time and efforts. I found a website called  http://www.hatsofftochemo.com/ where you can choose from many styles and colors of hats for yourself or a loved one. And they are Canadian!  :) 
Why so many of these people started such wonderful sites is because they want to honor someone they loved whom had/has cancer. Sadly enough, it's only when we are faced with our own tragedy or someone close to us do we see how many great people their are in this world who are truly great hero's. Too many times we define hero's as hockey player, basketball players, tennis players not to say that they aren't great in their own right but people who help others in their time of need, and or whom just need some uplifting, to me are the great hero's. 
After coming back from my mom's first treatment, I called another special place called: http://www.victoriasquiltscanada.com/ their you can request a quilt (free of charge)for someone whom has cancer. You can also choose your favorite color. We received ours last week and I must tell you, it is stunning, definitely a labor of love. This to me is incredible. If anyone has ever made a quilt, you know they are time consuming. God Bless these women whom share their time and love for others they don't even know. That is truly remarkable. I am in aw!
It's got me thinking in what I can do....to show my love for those battling cancer...
Come back next time to see what I come up with! 


Lots of love........thanks to the many many volunteers and kind-hearted people all over the world!!!!
To see my MOM smile after looking over the quilt was priceless....

Feelings of Frustrations...

Have you ever had one of those days that just seems to drag on and on....today is that day! I've been so angry lately...let's go back about a month ago...I found out that my mom has breast cancer..I felt as though my life was over. How could my mom, the person I admire the most have CANCER...the women whom I knew to be the strongest person in my life, my rock, my best friend,one of the people I love most...I have gone through a few of the stages, feeling sad, feeling angry, feeling OK for now and now I am back at plain old ANGRY at CANCER, the world, life and stupid people around me. Life as I knew would be changed forever. Some days I can't focus on anything, other days go by and I couldn't tell you what I did...

As many of you know, I have finally found my birth mother and I haven't spoken to her in a month. I feel guilty because I haven't spoken to her....which I want to...but I can't bring myself to call her for fear of betraying my mom.....When is this hurt inside me going to stop? And sadly enough, this just the beginning...chemo is nearing and I feel frightened and scared and I feel as though I can't seem to figure out which emotion to wear...angry, sad, frustrated,alone,upset,disgusted....

Can life get any worse...yes it does...some people just don't get it. I am trying so hard to keep calm/keep it together but I'm wondering when it will be time for me to just scream at the top of my lungs. To see someone so close to you go through this is unexplainable...unless you have been through it. I was told by many that it only get harder from here....can she get through it? can I? can we? My head is going a millions miles tonight...Also wondering how some people can be so hurtful and selfish. Life is really unfair at times.

I've been to many sites trying to read up on many things AND I gotta tell you....I just feel so sick that sooo many women must go through this...(crying on the keys) it's simply unfair. i know that I need to keep thinking positive and some days/minutes/hours I am ...but other times I just feel so...........

Sorry this wasn't an uplifting welcome back post...

Will be back soon....