This won't be my most chipper blog!
Lately I've been feeling outta sorts...Not sure whether I'm coming or going...As a whole, I think I'm letting to many things upset my balance. I feel as though I've been bouncing up and down emotionally between feeling happy that I finally found my birth mother, happy that my wedding is approaching and seeing how drained I've become with an overload of feelings of guilt, anxiety and too much stress. I like that line from the movie I Am Sam : "It's like every morning I wake up and, I fail. And I look around and everybody seems to be pulling it off, but I-I-I can't. No matter how hard I try. Somehow I'll never be enough." I feel as though at times, I look at people around me and everyone else seems to be getting by without many struggles...when I know the truth is that we all have our own struggles. But it seems as though when we do hit a low in our lives everything around us seems somber. I know that I am blessed with beautiful healthy kids, a loving fiance, great parents but it just seems as though at times everything else is a mess...ever feel this way? As though, you try and try...things look good for a while and OOPS...things get clouded again...I guess that is the dependability of life. Every facet of life has it's ups and downs. We fall in love, we fall out of love, you get a job, the next week you lose it. The Habs win, the Habs lose. We clean the house, from top to bottom..just when you think it's done, you half to start all over again! Life would be dull without all of these challenges that we must overcome. It is how we manage to pull ourselves up and rise against these misfortunes that we learn how really strong we are. Still.......life sucks at times...let's be honest! But the next day, we awake and everything is good again!
Sadly enough, I've had to put my wedding on hold til next summer...and although I'm okay with it because it's the best decision, I would be lying if I said it didn't tear me up inside. I cannot wait to be Allen's wife...I am so madly in love with him!
Sorry you came by to hear me vent....Promise next entry will be a good one....All about my night with