Random thoughts....

Thanks for stopping by... Hope all is well with you....

I am still amazed at looking at photos of my b-mother and seeing a resemblance. I cannot stop looking at her photo on my fridge, it just gives me such a warm feeling.
The more we talk on the phone, the more I notice everything we have in common. We worry way to much about everything and anything, we question God about everything and the list goes on. I cannot wait to meet her and see how much more we are alike and to observe our physical similarities/attributes.
It's been such a roller coaster ride lately. We all have wishes we hope will come true(we all know that not all of them can happen) but for me, this past month, I can definitely scratch a big one of my list. The one thing I cannot get out of my head is that when I was born she wasn't able to hold me, wasn't able to give me my first and last kiss. Can you imagine what it must of felt. As a mother I am now able to put myself in her shoes. I don't know what I would of done or if I would of been strong enough. *tears rolling done my face* She put me first, my needs first...how could I of hated this lady for so long when what she did was give another family a miracle. I know my own hurt, but never will I feel what she must of gone through. To have her in front of me, right now, I would hold her and tell her how much I appreciate her, and tell her that we may have had a rocky start to our journey but that the ending will certainly be much better, much happier.

If I can share just one piece of advice with other adoptees.....don't wait to long to search. I know not all stories have their happy endings but isn't it better to know some information, some piece of your puzzle then to keep wondering and go through life thinking you have all the answers.
For many years, I was angry and upset because I had it in my head that 'no good mother could give up their baby and that their wasn't any good enough reason.' After all these years, I was terribly wrong...sadly enough their are many reasons why a GOOD mother could give her baby up for a better life as sad as it may sound. Life is not always easy. Life is complex.
I will admit that when I do talk with my birth mother, a part of me still feels as though I am betraying my mom. Not sure how long that feeling will last. I know I shouldn't feel this way. My mother is my best friend. She is so kind, funny, heart-felt, warm, understanding and has always lifted me up when I need someone to be strong beside me. Words cannot express how much I love her to pieces.

In such a short time, I am growing strong feelings towards my birth mother. I think * smiling* this will be a a good time to just let things/feelings happen as they will...and not try to analyze it to death. I feel good towards everything that is happening...this is me letting it all in, as it may!


Here is a beautiful poem I found on adoption....
If you have time...
http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/adopt/sharing-poem.html

Have yourself a great day...
Awaiting the day to meet my birth mother....