Monday, April 11, 2011

Invisible but real...

Good afternoon all....

As one door opens another may be permanently closed. Throughout all this process I was always so focused on finding my birth-mother and to finding out if I did indeed have siblings....that I honestly never gave to much thought process on my birth father...Not even quite sure why..Perhaps because it was she that carried me for 9 months. I am not sure I will ever find him or know anything much about him. I can't say I have ever thought of what he may be like/look like. Will I be okay with never knowing...can I get through another chapter of my life with more unanswered questions. I don't know! Should I be happy with what I know and not be selfish! Is it my right to know...As I mentioned before adoption is challenging. I feel like I don't want to "rock the boat." I know that I have a sister but to be honest with you I am scared to death to call her. And I'm not quite sure why. I still feel like their is a chance for rejection. I want to yell from the roof tops that I finally found the women I longed for, for years....yet it is still so new and fresh...Even after you find yr b-parents their is still so much of the unknown. What if I say or do something that upsets them? What if I didn't turn out the way she expected I would. As you can see I'm still all over the place. I have met some of her family whom all seem very friendly and willing to fill in some blanks. They seem to be very accepting of me, which makes everything comforting. Although our lives have been lived apart, when talking with her I have found that many similarities do exist! I do hope to continue to grow from this experience.
When we do meet, perhaps it will be time to give ourselves, permission to feel and experience each others emotions.

Please feel free to comment/post a's funny how when we share emotions with others, we learn more about others and ourselves...

Have a good day!


  1. Your fear stops you to progress and paralyzes you! Do not ask yourself too many questions; just do what you feel you want to do. Close your eyes and jump. If you really want to know, just take action steps and leave your fear and doubts behind. Think positive how you will discover your birth parents great personalities, how you will feel great after talking to them or seeing them. Imagine a colorful and happy picture in front of you. Feel the pleasure of discovery, the excitement of breaking your frozen point! You will feel amazing after the first steps instead of continuing wondering how the things will work out and torturing yourself just break the frozen point and jump!!

    Hope this helps and I am not too harsh on you,

    Found you on linkreviewer

    All my best,

  2. Hello...
    It is so natural to question the unknown. Life is short girl...if you have already began your search in your mind, you already have the answer.
    Never mind about the what if' are using all those as excuses to not move forward.
    There will be no rejection if you reach out as you have already lived to this point without them. What you will have if they are to afraid to by pass their own what if's is some type of closure and knowing~
    One thing is fact will never know unless you try~
    Good luck~