Drops of Violet

I believe many of us adoptee's misinterpret our adoption and feel rejected because of not knowing the facts or circumstances that resulted in our adoption. Which is understandable. My emotional needs where sadly not met until I finally spoke with my birth mother. This is so hard to put into words...Sorry in advance for jumping all over, my thoughts and feelings on this subject are so near and dear to my heart that I am all over the place. Growing up I had so many questions and I never thought in a million years that I would find her. What I did always dream of is having a sister to whom I could share sisterly things with. My wish has come true...I found out that I do in fact have a sister, and an older one at that! I am still trying to navigate around all of these fragile issues I have. What I can tell you is that, in the last few weeks of finding my b-mother I see life a little more clear. I think too much time has passed dwelling on things I didn't know and couldn't change.

I should rewind a bit....

I did in fact find my birth mother...a few weeks ago...after sending away for papers for more info on my adoption. You see, since having my two kids, I've been more curious. After carrying them for 9 months and then finally getting to hold them, I realized something very important. There must of been a good reason for my b-mother to let me go. I can't imagine a parent giving up their child. Growing up, I always thought of how I felt and never what she must of been going through. Which I think is only natural. I remember having discussion's in high school about adoption. I also recall the teacher telling me that I shouldn't be so angry with my b-parents because they did indeed give me life and a good one at that. Truthfully, I was quite angry at that point in time. And I didn't want to hear about my b-mothers feelings. And I didn't want to acknowledge her strenght and courage for giving me a better chance in life which she probably believed she couldn't give me. Lots has change since then and since speaking with her.