A little bit of Hope....

Hi all...It's been a while...

Things are a bit different these days. I have decided to take life by the horns and figure out how to take my passions of working with my hands and give back to the world. Being a stay-at-home Mom is wonderful....raising my kids is the best job and will always be a the front of the line but I also needed to find something that would occupy my needs as a women and not as a parent of two beautiful children. (hope that made sense) 

While searching for my wedding flowers online, I stumbled upon these breathtaking paper flowers called Kusudama. They originate from ancient Japanese culture, where they were used for incense/potpourri. The word itself means 'medecine ball.' I found them to be so beautiful that I learnt how to make them and VOILA!  I've decided to start selling them. They make the perfect gifts, home decor and embellish any event your planning. 

Come Check them out on my page on Facebook: weathered paper and tell me what you think. 'Like' the page. My website will be shortly running as well. I can ship to most places. They come in all colors under the sun, any ribbon, button, acrylic gem in the middle. They are simply a work of art If I do say so myself.

 This is now taking over my life little by little, in a good way. Making me feel like I'm contributing more. I also do weddings, big and small. If interested please send me a message on Facebook. 

I'm getting married this summer. My daughter is very excited. She says: 'because she gets to be the flower girl and dance with Mommy all night.' I finished my bridesmaids bouquets, starting on my own soon. And did I tell you I'm making the table centerpieces. Flowers everywhere around the house. These flowers are great for me because I tend to destroy the real flowers I get!  lol    

I still think CANCER SUCKS!!!! My mom is doing okay these days, still tired most of the time.  But she is looking better than I imagined she would at this point. You never know what's going to happen. She is truly my best friend. I do feel sad at times...we get on the phone..I ramble and think, this is really not important. You seem to see life a bit different when someone you adore has Cancer. Some of the things that were important to you don't seem to be as significant. Really makes you think about the close people beside you. I tend to be more aware of what can be taken away from you at any point in time. It seems as though..as I get older, more people around me are falling prey to these terrible sicknesses. 

Well....I'll stop here for now. Hope all is well with you. And most definitely if you'd like to talk  with me...message me. Hope to see you on my flower page. 

Have a wonderful day!

Just before hitting the publish button...I noticed how I wrote Kusudama 'medicine ball'.

Finding these flowers was perhaps the best medicine for me at this point in my life. I needed something to occupy my thoughts and something to give me a little bit of Hope. Now, my days are filled with taking care of my handsome little boy and making flowers and not just about the sadness around me. Life is full of surprises!!!

Keep your eyes open...you never know when one is going to pop up!!!

You will never be alone....

Another day...another reason why cancer SUCKS! This week I shaved my mothers hair..Never thought in a million years I'd do that.....She began to lose it a few days before and mentioned that it was uncomfortable. This one day she went outside and I'll never forget that day. The wind was blowing (it was almost like being apart of a movie scene) the wind blowing, mom running her fingers through her bristle hair and it blowing away.....it was so surreal. She decided that night to shave her head, NOT completely bald, like a buzz cut. She couldn't look anymore beautiful. I think I took it harder than she. Which if you know me, you know how I am. I wear my heart on my sleeves. 
Never had I expected to send out requests for free chemo hats. Once you get online and start to look at everything CANCER you realize just how many sites their are and how many people are involved in donating their time and efforts. I found a website called  http://www.hatsofftochemo.com/ where you can choose from many styles and colors of hats for yourself or a loved one. And they are Canadian!  :) 
Why so many of these people started such wonderful sites is because they want to honor someone they loved whom had/has cancer. Sadly enough, it's only when we are faced with our own tragedy or someone close to us do we see how many great people their are in this world who are truly great hero's. Too many times we define hero's as hockey player, basketball players, tennis players not to say that they aren't great in their own right but people who help others in their time of need, and or whom just need some uplifting, to me are the great hero's. 
After coming back from my mom's first treatment, I called another special place called: http://www.victoriasquiltscanada.com/ their you can request a quilt (free of charge)for someone whom has cancer. You can also choose your favorite color. We received ours last week and I must tell you, it is stunning, definitely a labor of love. This to me is incredible. If anyone has ever made a quilt, you know they are time consuming. God Bless these women whom share their time and love for others they don't even know. That is truly remarkable. I am in aw!
It's got me thinking in what I can do....to show my love for those battling cancer...
Come back next time to see what I come up with! 


Lots of love........thanks to the many many volunteers and kind-hearted people all over the world!!!!
To see my MOM smile after looking over the quilt was priceless....

Drops of Violet: Feelings of Frustrations...

Drops of Violet: Feelings of Frustrations...: Have you ever had one of those days that just seems to drag on and on....today is that day! I've been so angry lately...let's go back about ...

Feelings of Frustrations...

Have you ever had one of those days that just seems to drag on and on....today is that day! I've been so angry lately...let's go back about a month ago...I found out that my mom has breast cancer..I felt as though my life was over. How could my mom, the person I admire the most have CANCER...the women whom I knew to be the strongest person in my life, my rock, my best friend,one of the people I love most...I have gone through a few of the stages, feeling sad, feeling angry, feeling OK for now and now I am back at plain old ANGRY at CANCER, the world, life and stupid people around me. Life as I knew would be changed forever. Some days I can't focus on anything, other days go by and I couldn't tell you what I did...

As many of you know, I have finally found my birth mother and I haven't spoken to her in a month. I feel guilty because I haven't spoken to her....which I want to...but I can't bring myself to call her for fear of betraying my mom.....When is this hurt inside me going to stop? And sadly enough, this just the beginning...chemo is nearing and I feel frightened and scared and I feel as though I can't seem to figure out which emotion to wear...angry, sad, frustrated,alone,upset,disgusted....

Can life get any worse...yes it does...some people just don't get it. I am trying so hard to keep calm/keep it together but I'm wondering when it will be time for me to just scream at the top of my lungs. To see someone so close to you go through this is unexplainable...unless you have been through it. I was told by many that it only get harder from here....can she get through it? can I? can we? My head is going a millions miles tonight...Also wondering how some people can be so hurtful and selfish. Life is really unfair at times.

I've been to many sites trying to read up on many things AND I gotta tell you....I just feel so sick that sooo many women must go through this...(crying on the keys) it's simply unfair. i know that I need to keep thinking positive and some days/minutes/hours I am ...but other times I just feel so...........

Sorry this wasn't an uplifting welcome back post...

Will be back soon....

Where do we draw the line....rude parents...

Hi all....Glad you stopped by.....I have something I'd like to share with other parents....

Let me know yr opinions.... Last night, at my daughters school...we all gathered in a classroom for poetry reading...First up was the senior Kindergarden class. As we were all getting settled into our seats...my son(15 months old, only walking now for about two weeks) was simply walking around us, not screaming, not fusing, simply enjoying the fact that he was up and walking....this is a school which welcomes all kids, even toddlers to come and go....My son walked towards a little girl in her stroller, she must have been around my little guys age. She had a little doll and my son tried to reach for it and the mother said no, my son kept going to the little girl and wanting to interact, mother couldn't be bothered, he tried taking her doll again and she placed her hand in front of his face and said in a not so nice voice, NO!    I was so taken back! Come on...Honestly! We were at a school function....around many kids going here and there...There was no need for such ATTITUDE! 

Any good parent, in my mind, would of gotten to her daughters level and actually tried to get the two kids to talk or even ask my son what his name was and be friendly seeing as myself, my fiance, and my parents where all there, sitting right beside her. My son was in no way pulling on the doll or even being pushy....
I was so annoyed and still am. What gave her the right to speak so coldly as she did to my son!
Have we become such a cold society that we deem in necessary to act this way towards others young or old. 

Just when you think you've seen/heard it all!!!!!

We are forever riding the ups and downs of life.....

Glad you dropped by again.....

This won't be my most chipper blog! 

Lately I've been feeling outta sorts...Not sure whether I'm coming or going...As a whole, I think I'm letting to  many things upset my balance. I feel as though I've been bouncing up and down emotionally between feeling happy that I finally found my birth mother, happy that my wedding is approaching and seeing how drained I've become with an overload of feelings of guilt, anxiety and too much stress. I like that line from the movie I Am Sam : "It's like every morning I wake up and, I fail. And I look around and everybody seems to be pulling it off, but I-I-I can't. No matter how hard I try. Somehow I'll never be enough."  I feel as though at times, I look at people around me and everyone else seems to be getting by without many struggles...when I know the truth is that we all have our own struggles. But it seems as though when we do hit a low in our lives everything around us seems somber. I know that I am blessed with beautiful healthy kids, a loving fiance, great parents but it just seems as though at times everything else is a mess...ever feel this way? As though, you try and try...things look good for a while and OOPS...things get clouded again...I guess that is the dependability of life. Every facet of life has it's ups and downs. We fall in love, we fall out of love, you get a job, the next week you lose it. The Habs win, the Habs lose. We clean the house, from top to bottom..just when you think it's done, you half to start all over again! Life would be dull without all of these challenges that we must overcome. It is how we manage to pull ourselves up and rise against these misfortunes that we learn how really strong we are. Still.......life sucks at times...let's be honest! But the next day, we awake and everything is good again!

Sadly enough, I've had to put my wedding on hold til next summer...and although I'm okay with it because it's the best decision, I would be lying if I said it didn't tear me up inside. I cannot wait to be Allen's wife...I am so madly in love with him!

Sorry you came by to hear me vent....Promise next entry will be a good one....All about my night with 

BON JOVI!! 

Finding Birth Mother is not about closure....

 Good Afternoon all...Happy Saturday...

There is something very satisfying in figuring out a mystery...don't you think? Especially surrounding the mystery of where you came from. I was going to say 'who I am' but I know who I Am...I have two loving parents whom I adore more than life, a great brother who drives me crazy but I wouldn't change him for the world. I have a man who adores me and I him and two beautiful kids. My life up until now has been great. I was raised with much love, warmth and kindness. I couldn't of asked for a better home life.

In the same breath I will admit to saying that at times I did question myself, my life,

Have you ever played with puzzles growing up? I sorta equate my life to being a puzzle...trying to figure out how the pieces fit together...trying to find the mystery of where each piece connects to each other. How the picture looks as a whole. Have you ever almost finished the puzzle and could not find the last piece?  Each piece is invaluable. Each piece matters. 

For me there has been such a great feeling of fulfillment. A serenity that has been missing in my head. I feel comforted in the fact that she is in my life now and that she is no longer just the women who gave birth to me. She is in fact, a friend, someone whom I keep near and dear to my heart and always will. She is a women who has strength and courage and who has given me the best life possible. A good friend of mine recently shared with me a story her mother told her about the two men in her life and this is also true for me... 

I AM lucky, lucky to have two women in my life. One who gave me life, and ONE who gave me a life..

Both have contributed to my life. After many conversation with my b-mom, I am understanding more and more each day why she couldn't care for me. Not sure why, but I really don't have any anger towards her. I just believe that God had other plans for me. And now we are back in each others lives. Which makes everything seem redundant. Things happen for a reason! As far as my birth father is concerned, I am laying that ghost to rest. I am not in search nor will I ever be. I am quite content for now, with the way things are. In life, we can't always have everything we want. I am at a happy place in my life and the rest will shape itself as it sees fit. For me, this journey has re-introduce that missing piece I have been searching for. I'm feeling blessed. 

The more people you can surround yourself  whom matter to you, the richer your life becomes.

Can you find the seven hearts?

Have a great weekend....

Take time to tell yr loved ones, they matter!

This beautiful images comes from:

http://www.planetperplex.com/en/item/7-hearts/

Random thoughts....

Thanks for stopping by... Hope all is well with you....

I am still amazed at looking at photos of my b-mother and seeing a resemblance. I cannot stop looking at her photo on my fridge, it just gives me such a warm feeling.
The more we talk on the phone, the more I notice everything we have in common. We worry way to much about everything and anything, we question God about everything and the list goes on. I cannot wait to meet her and see how much more we are alike and to observe our physical similarities/attributes.
It's been such a roller coaster ride lately. We all have wishes we hope will come true(we all know that not all of them can happen) but for me, this past month, I can definitely scratch a big one of my list. The one thing I cannot get out of my head is that when I was born she wasn't able to hold me, wasn't able to give me my first and last kiss. Can you imagine what it must of felt. As a mother I am now able to put myself in her shoes. I don't know what I would of done or if I would of been strong enough. *tears rolling done my face* She put me first, my needs first...how could I of hated this lady for so long when what she did was give another family a miracle. I know my own hurt, but never will I feel what she must of gone through. To have her in front of me, right now, I would hold her and tell her how much I appreciate her, and tell her that we may have had a rocky start to our journey but that the ending will certainly be much better, much happier.

If I can share just one piece of advice with other adoptees.....don't wait to long to search. I know not all stories have their happy endings but isn't it better to know some information, some piece of your puzzle then to keep wondering and go through life thinking you have all the answers.
For many years, I was angry and upset because I had it in my head that 'no good mother could give up their baby and that their wasn't any good enough reason.' After all these years, I was terribly wrong...sadly enough their are many reasons why a GOOD mother could give her baby up for a better life as sad as it may sound. Life is not always easy. Life is complex.
I will admit that when I do talk with my birth mother, a part of me still feels as though I am betraying my mom. Not sure how long that feeling will last. I know I shouldn't feel this way. My mother is my best friend. She is so kind, funny, heart-felt, warm, understanding and has always lifted me up when I need someone to be strong beside me. Words cannot express how much I love her to pieces.

In such a short time, I am growing strong feelings towards my birth mother. I think * smiling* this will be a a good time to just let things/feelings happen as they will...and not try to analyze it to death. I feel good towards everything that is happening...this is me letting it all in, as it may!


Here is a beautiful poem I found on adoption....
If you have time...
http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/adopt/sharing-poem.html

Have yourself a great day...
Awaiting the day to meet my birth mother....

Invisible but real...

Good afternoon all....

As one door opens another may be permanently closed. Throughout all this process I was always so focused on finding my birth-mother and to finding out if I did indeed have siblings....that I honestly never gave to much thought process on my birth father...Not even quite sure why..Perhaps because it was she that carried me for 9 months. I am not sure I will ever find him or know anything much about him. I can't say I have ever thought of what he may be like/look like. Will I be okay with never knowing...can I get through another chapter of my life with more unanswered questions. I don't know! Should I be happy with what I know and not be selfish! Is it my right to know...As I mentioned before adoption is challenging. I feel like I don't want to "rock the boat." I know that I have a sister but to be honest with you I am scared to death to call her. And I'm not quite sure why. I still feel like their is a chance for rejection. I want to yell from the roof tops that I finally found the women I longed for, for years....yet it is still so new and fresh...Even after you find yr b-parents their is still so much of the unknown. What if I say or do something that upsets them? What if I didn't turn out the way she expected I would. As you can see I'm still all over the place. I have met some of her family whom all seem very friendly and willing to fill in some blanks. They seem to be very accepting of me, which makes everything comforting. Although our lives have been lived apart, when talking with her I have found that many similarities do exist! I do hope to continue to grow from this experience.
When we do meet, perhaps it will be time to give ourselves, permission to feel and experience each others emotions.

Please feel free to comment/post a message....it's funny how when we share emotions with others, we learn more about others and ourselves...

Have a good day!

Good Morning....

After a good nights rest, a great night with the kids and enjoying a great bonfire, I see life a little more clear. Ever notice how we seem to dwell to much on things/people we cannot change? Myself included. I've notice for some time now, letting life pass me by, that I've been spending to much time worrying about people who may or may not want to be in my life. When Spring comes along we do some spring cleaning, right? Well I think life should be as so. We should cleanse our minds of all the bullshit around us. (excuse the language) Life is so short, and honestly, we all know the people who truly make a difference in our lives, they are what matters. I still can't get over the fact that for a long time I carried such resentment and raw anger towards my b-parents. But in one single phone call, my thoughts and feelings changed. Funny how that can happen. In speaking with my birth mom, I felt all the sadness and anger rush out of me. I heard the one thing I had longed to hear. I heard in that soft voice, I loved you and I thought about you all those years we were apart. I wished nothing but the best for you. My heart honestly sanked to my knees. I felt overwhelmed, it has only been a few weeks and I play that conversation in my mind daily and smile, smile whole-heartily. It is an indescribable feeling. It's funny how you can love someone without even knowing that person. Many adoptees think that since their mothers abandoned them, others in their lives will also abandon them. Something I struggled with very much. In many of my relationships still to this day I am somewhat freaked out about the people close to me leaving...I may always have these feelings but perhaps now they will slowly fade away. Being adopted has it's challenges. Upon hearing my birthmother's story, and learning the circumstances of her situation and the reasons she gave me up, I reached a new perspective -- I was not rejected because I was inadequate or because of who I was, but because of the circumstances in her life.

I am finally going to meet her this summer, if all goes well. And I think my birth mother will smile beatifically and welcome me with open arms as I will her. I am hoping she will accept me as I am, be proud of my accomplishments and enrich my life with her great knowledge. I am ready.

Lifes Changes...

Hi again...Hope all is well with you....

I don't think people whom are not adopted get how it can play a major role in someones life. It can affect us in our everyday lives. I have absolutely without a doubt in my mind have had a great upbringing. Life with my parents and brother has been great. I couldn't of picked better parents myself if I had the chance. But being an adopted person I always felt as though a piece of me was missing. Thankfully I never had to question whether or not I fit in with family. My parents are an open book. My mom and I throughout my life have spoken about my adoption, not in any lenghty conversations because I wanted nothing to do with my b-parents but I think I was also scared that if I questioned things too much it would mean I was unhappy with them. I guess the reason I writing this blog is to help me get things of my chest but also to perhaps help someone in their discovery of their b-parents.

I can recall getting in an argument with a cousin and him stating that I wasn't his true cousin which at the time really hurt my feelings but now looking back we were only kids. They say that after a while, you start resembling the people you live with...to this day people mix up my mom's voice on the phone with mine. We are so much alike. I always believed that I would try to find my birth parents after my parents passed on, but something compelled me to search a few weeks ago. Never did I think after a few shorts hours on internet and two phone calls later that I would hear her voice, THE voice, a soft voice which seemed to be in a state of shock as I was. I honestly thought there is no way I was going to find her seeing as my adoption papers had just arrived that day. That day has changed my life for the better. I feel as though pieces to my heart can re-attach themselves and be whole again. If that makes sense!! :)

Nite Nite for now....Feel free to leave me comments :)

I believe many of us adoptee's misinterpret our adoption and feel rejected because of not knowing the facts or circumstances that resulted in our adoption. Which is understandable. My emotional needs where sadly not met until I finally spoke with my birth mother. This is so hard to put into words...Sorry in advance for jumping all over, my thoughts and feelings on this subject are so near and dear to my heart that I am all over the place. Growing up I had so many questions and I never thought in a million years that I would find her. What I did always dream of is having a sister to whom I could share sisterly things with. My wish has come true...I found out that I do in fact have a sister, and an older one at that! I am still trying to navigate around all of these fragile issues I have. What I can tell you is that, in the last few weeks of finding my b-mother I see life a little more clear. I think too much time has passed dwelling on things I didn't know and couldn't change.

I should rewind a bit....

I did in fact find my birth mother...a few weeks ago...after sending away for papers for more info on my adoption. You see, since having my two kids, I've been more curious. After carrying them for 9 months and then finally getting to hold them, I realized something very important. There must of been a good reason for my b-mother to let me go. I can't imagine a parent giving up their child. Growing up, I always thought of how I felt and never what she must of been going through. Which I think is only natural. I remember having discussion's in high school about adoption. I also recall the teacher telling me that I shouldn't be so angry with my b-parents because they did indeed give me life and a good one at that. Truthfully, I was quite angry at that point in time. And I didn't want to hear about my b-mothers feelings. And I didn't want to acknowledge her strenght and courage for giving me a better chance in life which she probably believed she couldn't give me. Lots has change since then and since speaking with her.

Finding missing pieces...

Sorry for being out of touch for so long.....I've been busy with kids...school activities...and finding missing pieces of my life story...

Where do I begin.

I guess I'll just start from the beginning...At a young age...I remember my parents telling me I was adopted.I knew that I didn't quite understand what that meant but by the look in my parents eyes I knew it was something big. Something serious. They sat me down and explained as best as they knew how. At the age of 35 now, I honestly don't remember what the conversation was between me and my parents. But I do remember crying and feeling somewhat sad. After some time I do remember feeling a little angry that this women whom carried me for 9 months didn't want me. I felt this way for many years, if I'm being truthful with you. Up until I had my own kids, I had so many mixed emotions of loss,trust,abandonment,attachment.I hated going to visit family members whom lived out of town because the day we left was always so difficult for me. Sadly enough I also felt guilty because I was upset with my grandmother when she died because I felt like she left me. My parents have always encouraged us to explore our thoughts, feelings. They have always been supportive in us finding our birth parents. But many of us feel that if we are too inquisitive, we may look ungrateful. The last thing I would want to do is hurt my adoptive parents feelings.

As a young child, I remember some girl taunting me and telling me that she knew why my birth mother had left me. For days, she would verbalize the reasons why she thought my b-mom gave me up such as: I was a terrible baby, ugly baby, bad baby. I cried a whole lot and thankfully my mom was there to comfort me and hold me. Still, I felt as though a piece of me was missing.

Kids can be so cruel at times and very hurtful. And sadly enough it has always stayed with me. Funny how we tend to let what others say really affect us. We need to stop giving people so much power/control over our lives. I know we were both young but I bet if you recall your childhood there is probably someone or some situation that you remember which is still embedded in your head. Even as adults we tend to let annoying people take up more mind space, making them more visible than their numbers warrant. You have to remember that anyone who deliberately sets out to make someone else upset is not happy themselves.Sorry got off track there for a moment.

More posts to come...My computer keeps crashing....
Please let me know about yr stories....

Oh MY Gosh....

Calling all mothers......

Good Evening to all...The reason I said mothers and not fathers is that... It is us...the mothers whom buy their kids clothes for the most part...and choose what outfits they will wear everyday...and it is us that fall in love with MOST pieces and have a hard time parting with them....I am now a mother of two: a girl and a boy...I was soooo wishing that my second child would be a girl...so that she could wear all the cute, adorable, sweet and girly clothes my daughter had. But I had a handsome little boy whom I wouldn't trade for the world....new clothes to indulge in.

Tonite I had the bright idea of sorting through the clothes....I thought it was time to give some to my friend, some to people whom perhaps need help and sell some...I started off well...I had one bag for my friend, a bag for whomever, one to sell AND of coarse a bag for me. YES, I said me. That is for my daughter when she grows up. I was doing well...The clothes were dispersing well. Until I started getting emotional and started hording all the clothes in the ME bag!! And then I started to remember her in this dress and those jeans, and that shirt and that pajama....And I suddenly felt old and felt like I was loosing my little girl...She is only 4 now but where did those times go...Perhaps this was not the best night....and so soon after giving birth to my second...Hormones do have a way of making things in your head go a little wacky at times! haha

Why is it so hard for us to let go of certain things. Just the other day, I was cleaning out a kitchen shelf and found a few sippy cups Hope drank from and thought...she doesn't drink from them anymore...she's too old...I'll just get rid of them....well...sadly enough...they are still on my kitchen counter!!! AHHHHHH
Why do I feel as though I need to keep everything in order to remember? Everything I need to remember is in my heart... YES, corny answer but it is true. It's not a bunch of clothes that will make me remember the found memories we had together...Such as playing at the park, in the pool, going to the movies together, laughing while making funny crafts...Your memories are a part of you, they go with you everywhere.

And if that answer doesn't help....let us not forget the hundreds of pictures we have of our children...These days it seems like every event/moment is captured on camera...Thank God for digital cameras you can take hundreds of pictures, delete them, crop them and take the best ones and place them in a book.

Life is funny...We tend to place to much value on things/material things. In the next few months I will try to get rid of more clothes...let them go to good use....Why keep them just to collect dust mites and/or go out of style while someone can be benefiting from them!! My mom kept some clothes from my childhood and I haven't done anything with them. They are really not in style...I did put a few on Hope and take pictures but that is really about it. So honestly, keeping them didn't really benefit me, I had a chuckle about the clothes I wore...that's about it!!! Back in the bin they went..With some of my babies toys which again...we really have no use for.

The one thing I am doing....Is keeping some clothes to make a quilt. I think it would be kewl to make a blanket with some of her clothes. Yet another way of keeping me closer to that special place in time....if it's gonna make me happy, who cares!!! On cold days, I will wrap myself in the blanket and keep warm in the clothes I put my little one in.

I am feeling happy that I can give some clothes away to perhaps people who need the help. It's always nice to give something back! If you have the extra clothes, look around you, someone close by may need some extra clothes. We all know how little some clothes gets warn at the beginning. And every little bit helps.

Buhbye for now...
Have a great day!

P.S If you see your child growing out of certain outfits...take lots of pictures of him/ her in them.

Growing up too fast...

Kids....
Being a parent, I've realized that things are not always easy....

Are kids first of all...grow up WAY to fast...and why is that exactly ...the logic answer is time..but as you learn it's not that of a simple answer. We as a society want our kids to grow up way to quickly.

We give them toys that are too old as infants, we perhaps talk to them as if they were much older than they really are and many dress their kids in clothing that make them look older. We also believe at times that they understand much more than they really do.
Why do we push our kids to be older? Seeing as we as adults would do anything to turn back time. It seems to me that exposure to television and technology is in fact hindering our children.

They in my opinion, are forced to endure imagery and real life that was previously kept hidden from plain sight. Kids should be kids. No worries and no concerns. Just yesterday, my daughter saw an ambulance pass by us in the car and she muttered that perhaps the person inside the vehicle was badly hurt or had died. Her father and I were stunned. Did she just say Died??? She's only four and already knows what cancer is? Which I think is incredible...but on the other hand, did I really want her to know what that meant? Should she be exposed to all this sadness of the world? I'm torn myself on this topic...But deep down, I know the answer. I just want her to play barbies and sing cute songs and think of nothing but lollipops, rainbows, skipping ropes and colouring. She's seen us watching the news and sadly enough saw when many soldiers where placed in the back of the planes in their caskets...and asked me what was inside the boxes. And I answered as best as I could. These men are heroes, I said. They sadly enough died and are now with Jesus, in the sky..amongst the stars. But was that the best answer? As parents...we are sometimes at a loss for words...WOULDN'T YOU AGREE!

We need to at times take a step back and remember they are only 3*4*5* years of age..still innocent and still not able to fully understand everything around them. Sadly enough, life is stressful and at times we ALL need to take a step back and remember that we are undoubtedly their role models and they look for us on how to behave in times of stress.

Not quite sure what brought me to this topic tonite...
Perhaps it was watching my daughter at Disney on Ice last nite. She was captivated. Her little eyes were glued on Tinkerbell,Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. She was so glad to see Mickey and Minnie..It was priceless...her eyes twinkled and for just a few moments I felt like a kid again..she had opened my eyes and I felt back in time...
No worries-no stress-Pure fascination and wonder. I felt free..Free to see things in her eyes-her perspective. Even if it's just for a little while!

I truly adore and love my kids...

They are truly my blessings in life!

We need to keep our kids close and at times shelter them from certain things...They don't need to learn everything at once.

Ta ta for now....

Remembering spring and summer...

Good morning all....

The weather has been quite lovely outside, a bit windy but other than that, let the sun shine in! Winter is fast fading away and spring is just around the corner...I can't wait to see my little garden..Seeing as though, I was pregnant last summer...and quite tired and not myself at times...I kind of went a little cut crazy (shall I say) in the garden...at the end of the summer season..I wasn't quite sure what to trim, cut or pull out....so I am hoping I did not destroy the work the previous owners did...because it was somewhat lovely!!! As I think ahead I am reminded of all the beauty spring and summer has to offer...the scent of beautiful flowers, singing birds,the smell of fresh cut grass, watching my daughter plash in the pool and much much more.

Two summers ago we received a riding lawn mower..Ladies if you've never tried it...don't knock it...I find it somewhat therapeutic. The first time we it put on...I asked Allen if I could try it...and from then on except for last summer...(which he was thankful for) I would ask to drive it...he would watch our daughter and it would give me time alone....solitude..a place where I was alone in my head....sometimes I would belt out tunes with my walk man...(which I always hoped my neighbours couldn't hear...yet if they could who cares..I'm in my own yard anyways) hahaha

A chuckle for Tuesday...

Breastfeeding....
They say that breastfeeding is a real joy for mother and baby...A real bonding experience. Some say there is nothing in the world more wonderful than breastfeeding your baby. Sure..I believe it to be.. It's also absolutely convenient for the child. You can (BF) almost anywhere these days. It's said to be the best milk. It is full of antibodies that protect babies from illnesses and yr milk supposedly has the exact amount of nutrients your baby needs.

Your MILK is always at room temperature. :)

Never too cold or wayyy to hot.
It's always on hand. Never runs dry.
You never half to look tooo far for it. :)
No waking up in the middle of the nite to make formula..or wash the bottles....or boil the nipples...and hear your baby screaming or crying because he can't wait for you to feed him.
You don't need to spend much tooo much money on bottles, formula, nipples, plastic refills for certain bottles.
No need to cram all these things in your tiny diaper bag either!!!! And forget them anywhere...

These are all great reasons to breastfeed!!!! Right!

But OMG.......
I Soooooo didn't think it would be Soooooo painful to begin with....And I don't mean painful where I want to hang my husband...no,no, no...just a lot of discomfort!!!
Shit!!! WHo am I kidding! Let's be honest...Your first tries are freaken painful...Your not quite sure what to do...How to hold him..they explain how to hold him and various positions like the football hold...WHAT the F@#$......football hold? Then there's the side lying position..which I personally thought I would squish him to pieces...LOL It's quite the learning experience. Then there's the issue of de-clothing him while feeding him...Yeah, like I'm gonna undress him, every time I feed him...And some times..your child may even look like his playing ninja with your boobs..or even motioning that he doesn't want anything to do with them...
hahaha

Did I forget to mention how Awkward it is!!! Then...as your getting used to it...that is your baby (NO NOT YOUR MAN) ( hahaha) latching on to your breast EVERY FEW hours...you learn about blocked ducts, mastitis, engorgement...
Like OMG..
Then I was totally concerned with...is he feeding enough? Which Boob did I give him last..Why does he seem to favor one Boob rather than the other? Is there chocolate milk in one and not the other? hahaha Does one look cuter than the other? hahaha

And we all know about leakage....Yes ladies.. leakage...I don't know how many tops I go through in a day...at home...if I don't feel like wearing a bra...and on occasion this is indeed the case...let's be honest who in their right mind wants to wear a freaken over the boulder holder shoulder as some men like to call them all day long???
hahaha

All in all....breastfeeding is a challenge...
But if you stick to it as a clever friend once told me...you'll get the hang of it...
You may even laugh about it at times...
When your nipples are hurting you all day long... or simply when you brush against them during the day ! hahahaha

Best advice I can give is:
Try to relax a bit...it will eventually become better.
Don't read everything online about Breastfeeding...it will freak u right out!
It's not rocket science..if he seems to be making swallowing sounds...your good!!
If you want a good laugh go visit this site...
http://mamaknowsbreast.com/2008/02/dads_and_breastfeeding.php
and watch the clip....




Ta ta for now....Hope I kept you amused if only for a few minutes...
take care...
Keep up the milking!!!

I'm back....and I'm ready to talk...vent and share some more of my life's going-ons.

I had my baby a few months ago...and everything went well...as a matter of fact things couldn't of went any better...I am proud to say I have a healthy baby boy...and he's very handsome!! He's been keeping us on our toes! I feel awfully blessed!

Life is so amazing when you are surrounded by your little ones. It's a good feeling. Kids remind you of how simple life should be even though at times we forget. Most often, we think life is so hard, when in all actuality if your surrounded by compassionate, loving and kind-hearted family and friends we should want for no more. It saddens me that at times it's friends whom show more kindness than certain families members! I am lucky to have friends whom really support and love myself and my family. During my pregnancy, this couple whom live down from us have really showered us with kindness. Sometimes, life throws us or puts in contact with people whom are admirable and considerate. If you've ever watched (Kings of Queens) Allen and I feel lucky because (Doug and Carrie) always go on...on how it's hard to find couples whom both couples like like...it's too funny...But if you really think of it...it's hard to find other couples in similar situations as you.

The one thing I don't understand is why some choose to immerse themselves in the lives of their friends rather than their own family!

It's nice to have people around you whom want to see the best for you.

Allen and I couldn't be happier...life is sweet when you let it. I still after 7 years feel I am with the man of my dreams...even though at times I want to ring his neck...gently.. haha

As I mentioned in my posts earlier on...women can seem to juggle more things at a times then men!! For example...I can..HOLD the baby...KEEP his soother in his mouth...MAKE supper...STIR the noodles...WHILE explaining to my daughter why supper may be a little late...meanwhile her father is outside s-l-o-w-l-y making his way inside from talking to our neighbour...whom should of also been home helping his respected other.. haha

AGAIN...sorry for my rambling...I do love my run-on sentences...

I tend to want to write too fast and then forget to breath!!!

(hope that made sense) hahaha

I did get much flack for that in high school. LoL

Well......that's it for now.....

This blog only took me a few hours to write....lol

Two kids=less time for ourselves.....

tlk soon...

Remember to be good to yourself!

Good morning all......

I know..it's been a while....Things have been sorta outta whack lately...Big changes and small changes.... Hope is now in school...and enjoying it...not quite sure about the whole 'nap time' but loving the rest of the time. I wish I could be a fly on the wall to see how she is at school...I missed her when she was there, I really did! We are to be there safe place, Mama-never far away, their protector, their -help me with my BoBo's and now we half to set them free...watch the bus drive further and further away from us everyday! Yes..I'm being melodramatic, I know...
(as she laugh at the keyboards)
She came home the first day all happy but made a point to tell me she was sad at 'nap time' and missed me. Which made me feel so sad and in a way happy that she hadn't forgotten about me...IS that bad to feel like that?
Anyways....the next day seemed to be better. She also started dance classes...which she enjoyed greatly. She looked adorable in her pink bodysuit and too too....

My man was starting his new job today. I can't wait to talk to him when he gets back! I am so proud of him. He's a great fella, and he's all mine! Things should look up for us soon...Spending many years at a single workplace doesn't mean loyalty anymore. People need to remember they are simply a number. He spent many hours working overtime to help them out and nothing. I am glad he seems more at peace with his decision.

I also am no longer babysitting. Taking care of myself and unborn baby...
Sometimes you need to know when to call it quits and take care of yourself before anyone else. Putting ourselves first is usually not as easy as it sounds. Am I right? This pregnancy is not going as smoothly as the first. So, at this point and time, relax time is what is best for me!

Tootles for now....
Need to clean the house....at a slow pace no less....lol
talk soon..

Computers really that great?

Good Thursday to all....or is it....

If your in a happy mood...I'm just warning you...this may get you as frustrated as I... I apologize in advance....I am just in fowl mood!

Do you ever feel as though you can't seem to get ahead of the game. Like, life keeps slapping you in the face. When things start to look clear and positive, something seems to bring you back to reality. You know that saying 'good people finish last,'well I'm starting to believe it more and more. I understand that if you want something in life you need to work hard for it. You need to dig deep down and strive for that goal. I simply HATE people whom have nothing else but time on their hands to destroy or hurt other people. Whether it's hurting them emotionally or even their reputation....I'm sure you have all heard about different negativity's about 'FACEBOOK,' well I just got slapped with unexpected irrational dumbness, shall we say on it.

People really need to open their eyes and remember that what you say as your status can be read by all your friends and their friends!!!

If you have co-workers on your site be very careful of what you say....even if your simply saying a big thank-you to someone...it can have a different meaning apparently... Apparently saying thank-you can land you in deep doo-doo!!!

Are we as a society sharing to much of our lives on here....When is it okay to take what someone says and turn it upside down...Why are we so quick to judge others? And why the hell are we so quick to ruin someone else's reputation? Are we that angry at one another? It's kinda funny...when I first started out as a Facebook fanatic...I thought it was great...but I always remember what one of my cousins said..."why is it that we are so quick to find out about how others are doing and their were abouts? If they were so special in yr life to begin with why haven't you kept in touch with them all these years???? I questions myself that often these days...You find someone on their....get talking about life and the past and after a few days....don't talk to them much or at all.

I personally just like talking with my close friends and family now a days....exchange pics and stories...but now a days theirs been so much drama about our information being exchanged with other sites that....is it really worth all the trouble...

I personally would rather get letters and cards in the mail....but have we become that busy of a society that those days are over? Is receiving cards in the mail a thing of the past? I think next week, I will make a conscious effort and send some letters or cards...
I know how it makes me feel to receive something in the mail as does my
daughter!! :)

Before I get angry at the keys on my keyboard....
Let me leave you on high note....
Pregnancy going well......
May find out if it's a boy or girl on Monday!!!
Come back to see the results... :)

Thanks for listening to me vent....

And a big Thank you for my new friends whom keep coming back!!!