A little bit of Hope....

Hi all...It's been a while...

Things are a bit different these days. I have decided to take life by the horns and figure out how to take my passions of working with my hands and give back to the world. Being a stay-at-home Mom is wonderful....raising my kids is the best job and will always be a the front of the line but I also needed to find something that would occupy my needs as a women and not as a parent of two beautiful children. (hope that made sense) 

While searching for my wedding flowers online, I stumbled upon these breathtaking paper flowers called Kusudama. They originate from ancient Japanese culture, where they were used for incense/potpourri. The word itself means 'medecine ball.' I found them to be so beautiful that I learnt how to make them and VOILA!  I've decided to start selling them. They make the perfect gifts, home decor and embellish any event your planning. 

Come Check them out on my page on Facebook: weathered paper and tell me what you think. 'Like' the page. My website will be shortly running as well. I can ship to most places. They come in all colors under the sun, any ribbon, button, acrylic gem in the middle. They are simply a work of art If I do say so myself.

 This is now taking over my life little by little, in a good way. Making me feel like I'm contributing more. I also do weddings, big and small. If interested please send me a message on Facebook. 

I'm getting married this summer. My daughter is very excited. She says: 'because she gets to be the flower girl and dance with Mommy all night.' I finished my bridesmaids bouquets, starting on my own soon. And did I tell you I'm making the table centerpieces. Flowers everywhere around the house. These flowers are great for me because I tend to destroy the real flowers I get!  lol    

I still think CANCER SUCKS!!!! My mom is doing okay these days, still tired most of the time.  But she is looking better than I imagined she would at this point. You never know what's going to happen. She is truly my best friend. I do feel sad at times...we get on the phone..I ramble and think, this is really not important. You seem to see life a bit different when someone you adore has Cancer. Some of the things that were important to you don't seem to be as significant. Really makes you think about the close people beside you. I tend to be more aware of what can be taken away from you at any point in time. It seems as though..as I get older, more people around me are falling prey to these terrible sicknesses. 

Well....I'll stop here for now. Hope all is well with you. And most definitely if you'd like to talk  with me...message me. Hope to see you on my flower page. 

Have a wonderful day!

Just before hitting the publish button...I noticed how I wrote Kusudama 'medicine ball'.

Finding these flowers was perhaps the best medicine for me at this point in my life. I needed something to occupy my thoughts and something to give me a little bit of Hope. Now, my days are filled with taking care of my handsome little boy and making flowers and not just about the sadness around me. Life is full of surprises!!!

Keep your eyes open...you never know when one is going to pop up!!!

You will never be alone....

Another day...another reason why cancer SUCKS! This week I shaved my mothers hair..Never thought in a million years I'd do that.....She began to lose it a few days before and mentioned that it was uncomfortable. This one day she went outside and I'll never forget that day. The wind was blowing (it was almost like being apart of a movie scene) the wind blowing, mom running her fingers through her bristle hair and it blowing away.....it was so surreal. She decided that night to shave her head, NOT completely bald, like a buzz cut. She couldn't look anymore beautiful. I think I took it harder than she. Which if you know me, you know how I am. I wear my heart on my sleeves. 
Never had I expected to send out requests for free chemo hats. Once you get online and start to look at everything CANCER you realize just how many sites their are and how many people are involved in donating their time and efforts. I found a website called  http://www.hatsofftochemo.com/ where you can choose from many styles and colors of hats for yourself or a loved one. And they are Canadian!  :) 
Why so many of these people started such wonderful sites is because they want to honor someone they loved whom had/has cancer. Sadly enough, it's only when we are faced with our own tragedy or someone close to us do we see how many great people their are in this world who are truly great hero's. Too many times we define hero's as hockey player, basketball players, tennis players not to say that they aren't great in their own right but people who help others in their time of need, and or whom just need some uplifting, to me are the great hero's. 
After coming back from my mom's first treatment, I called another special place called: http://www.victoriasquiltscanada.com/ their you can request a quilt (free of charge)for someone whom has cancer. You can also choose your favorite color. We received ours last week and I must tell you, it is stunning, definitely a labor of love. This to me is incredible. If anyone has ever made a quilt, you know they are time consuming. God Bless these women whom share their time and love for others they don't even know. That is truly remarkable. I am in aw!
It's got me thinking in what I can do....to show my love for those battling cancer...
Come back next time to see what I come up with! 


Lots of love........thanks to the many many volunteers and kind-hearted people all over the world!!!!
To see my MOM smile after looking over the quilt was priceless....

Drops of Violet: Feelings of Frustrations...

Drops of Violet: Feelings of Frustrations...: Have you ever had one of those days that just seems to drag on and on....today is that day! I've been so angry lately...let's go back about ...

Feelings of Frustrations...

Have you ever had one of those days that just seems to drag on and on....today is that day! I've been so angry lately...let's go back about a month ago...I found out that my mom has breast cancer..I felt as though my life was over. How could my mom, the person I admire the most have CANCER...the women whom I knew to be the strongest person in my life, my rock, my best friend,one of the people I love most...I have gone through a few of the stages, feeling sad, feeling angry, feeling OK for now and now I am back at plain old ANGRY at CANCER, the world, life and stupid people around me. Life as I knew would be changed forever. Some days I can't focus on anything, other days go by and I couldn't tell you what I did...

As many of you know, I have finally found my birth mother and I haven't spoken to her in a month. I feel guilty because I haven't spoken to her....which I want to...but I can't bring myself to call her for fear of betraying my mom.....When is this hurt inside me going to stop? And sadly enough, this just the beginning...chemo is nearing and I feel frightened and scared and I feel as though I can't seem to figure out which emotion to wear...angry, sad, frustrated,alone,upset,disgusted....

Can life get any worse...yes it does...some people just don't get it. I am trying so hard to keep calm/keep it together but I'm wondering when it will be time for me to just scream at the top of my lungs. To see someone so close to you go through this is unexplainable...unless you have been through it. I was told by many that it only get harder from here....can she get through it? can I? can we? My head is going a millions miles tonight...Also wondering how some people can be so hurtful and selfish. Life is really unfair at times.

I've been to many sites trying to read up on many things AND I gotta tell you....I just feel so sick that sooo many women must go through this...(crying on the keys) it's simply unfair. i know that I need to keep thinking positive and some days/minutes/hours I am ...but other times I just feel so...........

Sorry this wasn't an uplifting welcome back post...

Will be back soon....

Where do we draw the line....rude parents...

Hi all....Glad you stopped by.....I have something I'd like to share with other parents....

Let me know yr opinions.... Last night, at my daughters school...we all gathered in a classroom for poetry reading...First up was the senior Kindergarden class. As we were all getting settled into our seats...my son(15 months old, only walking now for about two weeks) was simply walking around us, not screaming, not fusing, simply enjoying the fact that he was up and walking....this is a school which welcomes all kids, even toddlers to come and go....My son walked towards a little girl in her stroller, she must have been around my little guys age. She had a little doll and my son tried to reach for it and the mother said no, my son kept going to the little girl and wanting to interact, mother couldn't be bothered, he tried taking her doll again and she placed her hand in front of his face and said in a not so nice voice, NO!    I was so taken back! Come on...Honestly! We were at a school function....around many kids going here and there...There was no need for such ATTITUDE! 

Any good parent, in my mind, would of gotten to her daughters level and actually tried to get the two kids to talk or even ask my son what his name was and be friendly seeing as myself, my fiance, and my parents where all there, sitting right beside her. My son was in no way pulling on the doll or even being pushy....
I was so annoyed and still am. What gave her the right to speak so coldly as she did to my son!
Have we become such a cold society that we deem in necessary to act this way towards others young or old. 

Just when you think you've seen/heard it all!!!!!

We are forever riding the ups and downs of life.....

Glad you dropped by again.....

This won't be my most chipper blog! 

Lately I've been feeling outta sorts...Not sure whether I'm coming or going...As a whole, I think I'm letting to  many things upset my balance. I feel as though I've been bouncing up and down emotionally between feeling happy that I finally found my birth mother, happy that my wedding is approaching and seeing how drained I've become with an overload of feelings of guilt, anxiety and too much stress. I like that line from the movie I Am Sam : "It's like every morning I wake up and, I fail. And I look around and everybody seems to be pulling it off, but I-I-I can't. No matter how hard I try. Somehow I'll never be enough."  I feel as though at times, I look at people around me and everyone else seems to be getting by without many struggles...when I know the truth is that we all have our own struggles. But it seems as though when we do hit a low in our lives everything around us seems somber. I know that I am blessed with beautiful healthy kids, a loving fiance, great parents but it just seems as though at times everything else is a mess...ever feel this way? As though, you try and try...things look good for a while and OOPS...things get clouded again...I guess that is the dependability of life. Every facet of life has it's ups and downs. We fall in love, we fall out of love, you get a job, the next week you lose it. The Habs win, the Habs lose. We clean the house, from top to bottom..just when you think it's done, you half to start all over again! Life would be dull without all of these challenges that we must overcome. It is how we manage to pull ourselves up and rise against these misfortunes that we learn how really strong we are. Still.......life sucks at times...let's be honest! But the next day, we awake and everything is good again!

Sadly enough, I've had to put my wedding on hold til next summer...and although I'm okay with it because it's the best decision, I would be lying if I said it didn't tear me up inside. I cannot wait to be Allen's wife...I am so madly in love with him!

Sorry you came by to hear me vent....Promise next entry will be a good one....All about my night with 

BON JOVI!! 

Finding Birth Mother is not about closure....

 Good Afternoon all...Happy Saturday...

There is something very satisfying in figuring out a mystery...don't you think? Especially surrounding the mystery of where you came from. I was going to say 'who I am' but I know who I Am...I have two loving parents whom I adore more than life, a great brother who drives me crazy but I wouldn't change him for the world. I have a man who adores me and I him and two beautiful kids. My life up until now has been great. I was raised with much love, warmth and kindness. I couldn't of asked for a better home life.

In the same breath I will admit to saying that at times I did question myself, my life,

Have you ever played with puzzles growing up? I sorta equate my life to being a puzzle...trying to figure out how the pieces fit together...trying to find the mystery of where each piece connects to each other. How the picture looks as a whole. Have you ever almost finished the puzzle and could not find the last piece?  Each piece is invaluable. Each piece matters. 

For me there has been such a great feeling of fulfillment. A serenity that has been missing in my head. I feel comforted in the fact that she is in my life now and that she is no longer just the women who gave birth to me. She is in fact, a friend, someone whom I keep near and dear to my heart and always will. She is a women who has strength and courage and who has given me the best life possible. A good friend of mine recently shared with me a story her mother told her about the two men in her life and this is also true for me... 

I AM lucky, lucky to have two women in my life. One who gave me life, and ONE who gave me a life..

Both have contributed to my life. After many conversation with my b-mom, I am understanding more and more each day why she couldn't care for me. Not sure why, but I really don't have any anger towards her. I just believe that God had other plans for me. And now we are back in each others lives. Which makes everything seem redundant. Things happen for a reason! As far as my birth father is concerned, I am laying that ghost to rest. I am not in search nor will I ever be. I am quite content for now, with the way things are. In life, we can't always have everything we want. I am at a happy place in my life and the rest will shape itself as it sees fit. For me, this journey has re-introduce that missing piece I have been searching for. I'm feeling blessed. 

The more people you can surround yourself  whom matter to you, the richer your life becomes.

Can you find the seven hearts?

Have a great weekend....

Take time to tell yr loved ones, they matter!

This beautiful images comes from:

http://www.planetperplex.com/en/item/7-hearts/